GALAXY BALL 2000

Mag and Suze and I got to the Marriott some time on Friday, no problem, the room was waiting for us, and it turned out Bettina and young Julie had been given the one right opposite ours, which was good luck. The next morning’s organisation was flawless too. Got there too late for front seats, so we ended up somewhere in the middle rows and there were a LOT of people, wow, but the room was large and the seating was comfortable with plenty of leg room, or so it seemed after the 10 hour plane trip. Economy class flights are good for your ego, they give you the illusion you have long legs...

We were very impressed and pleased to see what a crowd had come to support the event and enjoy the day. We’d already met people from Europe and the US as planned during the week and we met more people that we'd met in London in June on the day but it was difficult to track everybody we would have wished to. Hi Willow, Hi Laura K, hi plenty of others, it would have been good to meet, Doreen, it would have been nice to meet longer! :-) Hi to the Austrian connection too, I understand you were there too.

Robert arrived and was greeted enthusiastically. Yes, he was definitely wearing something, and no, I can’t remember what he said exactly, but it included greetings and thanks and words about the DASLA and its work and about what was to follow. He said there were about twice as many people as last year, conducted a little survey of where we were all from (some had even come all the way from Bakersfield, wow ;-) and thanked us all again for coming. He later introduced the Jonathan Frakes and Michael Dorn duet . Hey, you can tell these two served on a well-drilled ship, THEY were on time! ;-)

Ahem, JF & MD... fun show! I probably got half the jokes wrong and forgot the other half, but never mind, here’s what I remember anyway: There were a number of jokes centering on the absent Patrick Stewart, and if half of them make it back to him, you can be sure he’ll be there next year, just to keep an ear on the proceedings! I can’t remember who said what because these two were so perfectly coordinated, it was like one person talking. Was "Generations" disrespectfully subtitled as " Two captains in search of a good hairpiece"? Mmmh, I’m afraid so. The head theme was persued with MD mentioning all he got to see on the bridge was the back of everybody else’s head and how tempted he always was to crack a head, I mean an egg on the captain’s egg , uh, head. They were asked about their early ST years and memories of their first conventions, I think JF said he had a vivid memory of the first Riker action doll and teased MD about how he *used* to be a cool guy, wasn’t he, judging from the music coming out of this trailer in these days. The time-is-flying-by theme went on with MD describing tales of cute young actresses walking up to him these days and saying things like "lovely to meet you!" *pleased flattered smile from MD* then: "I grew up watching you... my dad loves you!" *Doh!* After a little more of this and enough fishing to fill a XL size tank, the predominantly female audience started to go "Awww!" and throw reassuring and flattering comments to the two oldi... I mean the two actors, who indeed do not look a year older than, uh, ah, my dad? No, that’s not fair, just kidding, they’re a lot younger than him, very handsome guys and I do mean it! They’re great. MD mentioned that the Klingon make-up was no good for sex appeal though and that girls did not always look convinced when he assured them he was very cute underneath, really. They had fun telling stories about all the other absent members of the TNG cast too, uh, I don’t remember them I’m afraid (readers are most welcome to fill the holes), but they were funny. I remember that one involved Marina Sirtis, some animal and a microwave... I think. Well, it makes sense. Doesn’t it? Um. JF mentioned spending a whole day naked in a bath tub with her (Marina), I assume this is something to do with a movie? ;-) We had an imitation of Brent Spiner, or rather Data, and a nice Patrick Stewart quote remembered from a day when they were shooting some scene or other, running in caves which, in everyday mundane reality were very popular with stray cats and evidence of their passage, and he suddenly sat down, uttered a deep Patrick Stewartian chuckle and asked just how come one minute he was lecturing for UCLA and the next thing he knew he was crawling in cat s*** for a living! *g*

Somebody asked who, if there was a competition between Riker and Worf and Chakotay, would get the girl. (Onstage) JF and MD quickly agreed they could dismiss (offstage) Chakotay and that the competition would be a very civilised one between the two of them ('after you', 'not at all', etc). I think there was some offstage reaction, but I was at the wrong end of the room to observe it. Then someone asked JF who would win a fight between Riker and Chakotay and he said Chakotay was younger... but *he* was FASTER! I think the universally beloved Wesley Crusher was mentioned too, something to do with taking his driving license and what a threat to South California that was going to be, and many other show jokes that yours truly did not get because she has not seen many episodes... but they’ll pop up in other reports no doubt, don't lose hope. There were a few good-natured jokes aimed at Robert about this and that, I can’t remember them in details - JF said he was annoyed at him for having just as much hair on his head as when the show started, to which he answered when he got back on the stage later that not only was it still all there but it had even got darker as the years went by! (Like the audience was going to let that one pass by... *g*)

OK, I’ve left 3/4 of the Q & A out, sorry, it really is hard to remember everything, but cheers to the two TNG guests, they set the tone for the whole day, they were enjoying themselves and were truly very, very funny, and warm to all the fans and kids and a revelation to me since I had never ‘met’ any of the guys before. The only mad Trekker I know in my town is a Dorn fan, now I know exactly why and she’ll be green with envy when she read this, and if JF is such a livewire at work, I know exactly what happened to Patrick Stewart’s hair. He pulled it all off in exasperation over the years! ;-)

...So, then Robert got back on stage and started to introduce the other 'Voyager' actors who weren’t there yet. The more he was introducing them, the more obvious it was that they weren’t there to be introduced, yet >g(- OK, they weren’t too cruel and did turn up within a few minutes. I can’t remember who arrived first, Robert Picardo I think, but Garrett Wang was definitely last, allegedly just back from Las Vegas, mmmmmh… he did look a little asleep at first but soon woke up with a vengeance. And you’ve read about the spitting in the water joke? Serves them right for being late! ;-) All I can say is I’m grateful we didn’t get my old college guys’ version of the joke, um, yuk, don't ask. Well, ah, it would have been entertaining too, I guess…

OK, at random: When they were asked about what the stupidest lines they’ve had to deliver on the show were, Robert insisted he beat them all with " oh, er... s'cuse me captain, I’ve gotta go have a chat with my dead father" or something like that, but the others were pretty good (as in ‘dumb’) too, although I rather liked the Paris to Tuvok ‘you’re a freakosaurus’ line myself, at the time, but yes, I’m glad I wasn’t the one who had to deliver it. GW’s line was ‘Like a snake through a tube, captain’? *Groan* Some of these writers sure are cruel. I must have missed that episode, by the way, oh, and Robert Picardo told the story of Robert’s very helpful reaction to one of his own lines, when the Doc bends over Neelix and has to say to Chakotay in a dramatic voice: "His lungs… have been removed" at which Robert -the tatooed one- sensitively exploded, which didn’t help the required holodoc-straight-face delivery. By the way, it’s funny how some lines suddenly do sound rather stupid when you’re hearing them with friends. I watched the latest-aired ‘Voyager’ episode in the hotel with a few of them on Sunday night, and suddenly, all the lines sounded dumb or hilarious, and we weren’t even drunk - I guess the company was partly to blame… ;-)

All were asked or spontaneously did impersonations of the others. The Doc seemed to be a favourite victim and the Doc’s alter ego looked suitably annoyed with his colleagues ;-) Robert said he was working on his Neelix, and gave us a preview of one of these annoying "ah, um, well, captain, as a matter of fact… to tell you the truth… er… er…er... in short, well… ah ah ah, well… I.. I.. I… well, it’s like this:… mmmh… well, I don’t knooow!" >Groan!(Hilarious impersonation too but nothing, NOTHING beats the doc’s. And we got that one in the magic box this time. I hope. Maggie, you haven’t really lost these discs have you? Pleaaaaase.

I understand it’s one of our own ORBies who asked about how actors felt about their families, like their sisters and mothers, watching certain, uh, scenes they’ve played in films (as the ones in ‘Kiss me a Killer’ for Robert). I thought it was a good question, in fact one that I had thought of asking myself a few times, although I wouldn’t have had the guts to ask in public. The answer was fun, I thought. Robert: "Kiss me a Killer? My mum GOT me the contract!" - OK, we didn’t get a straight answer but so what, and it was a chance for RDMcN to enquire teasingly about the film too. ("Kiss me a Killer? What about Kiss me a Killer?") So Robert explained about it being a video that normally lives on the very top shelf at the back of obscure video stores…. Now, to those who haven’t seen it, don’t get the wrong impression, unless I got a very heavily censored version myself, it really doesn’t qualify as hard anything. Erotic, OK...

OK, where were we... Impersonations, oh, yes: Robert (DMcN) gave us the Harry Kim’s "Captaaaaaaain…" mating call, then we got more ‘Doc’ from Robert and Garrett and some impersonations *of* Chakotay/Robert from Garrett (are you getting lost? We were...) *Chakotay voice*" Captain, what…"*Robert voice*" Oooh …shit! What was that line again?"

Pointy sideburns… I’m not too sure how the pointy sideburns thing started, but Garrett (him again? I told you once he’d woken up he was very awake, started to tease the Doc, I mean R Picardo by sideburn-pointing out that he was the only guy of the lot who could grow them for real, and so did. RDMcN was too blond or something, RB Latino- American, himself Asian-American… none of them could grow pointy sideburns, (like they’d want to… ;-) But *he* (Picardo) could, and did. And… was there some sly hint that it might be for compensation? *g*!<

OK, at some point, the men auctioned that crew cap, and it got really dramatic as the bids were rising higher and higher. I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how much it went for, but it was a lot, and the happy (female) winner got squeezed to death and (affectionately) assaulted by the lot on stage to thank her for the donation, but don’t worry, she was seen alive and well later, I’m told. The male bidder for another cap got the same treatment, why not, while the whole room started to take on a surreal hue worthy of your cheesiest sci-fi show, as about 500 envious faces started to radiate green light towards the walls and ceiling. (I’ve read the winner girl’s own report of the event since so make that bright green light now, very bright green light;-) - Oh, did I say Garrett modelled the cap before the auction started? I’ve seen a photo on a site, nice camp catwalk style. He and RDMcN were real good at leading the auction too; you’d think they’d done it all their life. What? They have??! Ah, that explains it!;-) As the sums were reaching higher and higher, one of the actors, (I forget who) said that they would have to entertain the bidders by standing there naked, at least, to appropriately reward them for all the money - oh, well, it might well have been during the shirts auction, not the caps’, I can’t remember - never mind. Nice thought, but no, we didn’t get treated to the birthday suits. Why did nobody take them up on that one?

The Riverdance, the Riverdance, the Riverdance…. OK, they didn’t strip, but finally, after years of fans’ supplications, blackmail, death threats and shameless begging, we got the Riverdance! Well, why waste words when we can send you over to the site where they’ve got a video clip of it? Addie at the end of this page, well, if I get permission. No, please, don’t skip the rest of the report, be patient! And when you get there, watch the legwork, it’s the best bit! Tap-a-di-dum-tap-a-di-dum-tap-a-di-…

Then they were asked who they would like to have a relationship with on the show. There were a few seconds’ nervous discussions on stage as Robert wasn’t sure at first whether they were asked to answer for themselves or their characters, ah, ah, but they finally wisely played the character card and Tom went for B’Elanna, Chak for Janeway, the Doc for somebody I don’t recall, but he mentioned Seven too, while Kim decided that in order to compensate him for 6 years of un-promoted loyal services, Janeway should order all the senior crew females to gratify all his desires all at once. Why, that sounded only fair to me.

Another fan asked whether there had ever been some disabled actors on the show. RDMcN recalled an episode (might not have been ‘Voyager’, I can’t remember) where mutilated Borgs were involved and so disability was an issue approached in the episode, but that was the only example anybody could come with since, it’s a fact, there just hasn’t been many disabled characters/actors on the show. Somebody asked them all a question, which question I forget, but while doing so addressed them as ‘Garrett and the Roberts’, and as everybody knows, a catchy name is all it takes to start a pop group… so we got their first song - watch these charts! Di dum di dum di dum… Robert was asked if he’d dance later and said he would dance with all of us at the same time. And no, it wasn’t a joke, and he did too.

Right, all this was in disorder of course, I can’t remember what the last question was, but there had to be an end to them, while several hopefuls were still queuing to ask for more, and the autograph session started.

The queue was long and I killed time helping young Julie spell the actors' names on the drawing of The Voyager ship and crew she had done to give them. "Beltrum", "Bacardo", "McKnee" and "Wrong", right? In any case they lloked happy with it and Robert Bacar... Picardo said he's put it up in his trailer. I asked them all to sign the page some of us had submitted to the official GB programme. They were all very friendly. After that there was time for another walk under the LA smo.. I mean the Californian sunshine, before getting ready for the evening.

Down for cockteils. A few people had secured dinner tables already and then more were made available and the 8 of us plus a lone traveller (hi A!) sat together, all ready for food. Ok, let me admit it now - by the time the evening itself started, I‘d had some wine, I was talking to the old and the new friends, the evening was packed with events, and I did spend some time concentrating on my plate (priorities, priorities…) while it was all going on, so this is going to be patchy - again, there are many better detailed accounts around. We personally didn’t get a chance to look at the auction items, well, I didn’t, having got there too late (whaddya mean I delayed everybody by having to go back to the room and look everywhere for my ticket? Shhh!) I understand they had a lot of success and raised a lot of money. The room was large and very full with fans, guests, families etc but again, the layout was fine, allowing for plenty of personal space. Robert came on stage, was greeted and greeted and thanked everybody again, introduced several people, there was a speech on behalf of the DSALA and Robert introduced his family, our next-table neighbours, as it happened, who were attending the event for the first year, I think. There was his mum, Louie, another brother (Tom?), and sister-in-law among others I believe. Two young actors interpreted the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet, which was an excellent choice of scene, I thought, and the delivery was so strong and alive with feelings it shamed the Royal Shakespeare company into oblivion (no, I’m not being silly, the RSC really, really bored me to death in Bristol recently, I haven’t forgiven them yet!;-) (Oh, OK, I’ll give them another chance ;-) - as I was saying the balcony scene was good and there were lots of applause from the impressed audience.

Tim Russ and Neil Norman’s Orchestra then took the stage. It was a great pleasure to listen to Tim singing again, I have listened to his CD many times since I got it in Bournemouth. (My first ‘Trek’ event ever was a musical evening with the sharp-eared Vulcan himself here in the UK, just after the last Glasgow and before the last Fedcon conventions… I didn’t make these, I prefer smaller events) - and I remember the T Russ/E Phillips Pon Farr set joke from then. He even sang some funny songs on ‘Voyager’ on that occasion, (>music<…six years and no seeeex, on ‘Voyager'...) but this time it was Roxann Dawson and R Picardo’s turn to treat us to funny songs… But not before RDMcN had treated us to more music and singing, including ‘that’s the way I like it’ my chance to say the guy looked as friendly and relaxed singing as he did during the Q&A Seems a nice soul.

While his colleagues and other performers, speech-makers etc were onstage, Robert sat on the side in watchful support, drinking what appeared from a distance to be cups of coffee… yeah, right, was I the only one who could smell that whisky? So then Roxann took the stage, and a beautiful voice she has, and an amazingly beautiful woman she is too. The first song was serious, the second a much less serious ‘Voyager’ - based one, telling us all what she would do and get music "if [she] was B’Elanna Torres"... big success. Ethan Phillips’ jokes got lots of laughter too, but it seems we were sitting in the wrong hearing corner, so I’m waiting for the transcript! Robert Picardo then came on and lived up to our (very high) expectations of him with his hilarious songs and delivery. Hope I’m invited when "Jesuuuuus and St Peter" visit the ‘Voyager’ set… and yes, we’ll still love him after ‘Voyager’…

And then, and then… it was Robert’s turn. "Woo, ha!" sums it up well but here are a few more details... He asked people to turn their backs to him and shut their eyes too again, but got the same reaction as in Page’s (audience moved forward with eyes going rounder to see better) so just went for it. We got ‘Don’t Let the Sun catch you Crying", sigh. I didn’t write it or sing it, but I take this chance to offer it to she-who-wasn’t-there (but will recognize herself)- then he introduced his mum again, said how well she was doing after her hip surgery and sang "Your song" to her. The lady insisted on standing the whole time although he begged her to sit down, and she thanked him and blew him a kiss at the end - Well, it was a very nice moment. What came next? Ooooh, yes: "One Night With You"? Sweeeet. Damn the man. Then there was a whole group singing of "Love the one you’re with" which you can also hear on Tim Russ’s CD. Sound advice… and they did a good job of it. At some point came the Galaxy Ball shirts auction, conducted mostly by Roxann I think, which was entertaining and went very well too. Oh, and we got to see Tim Russ’s birthday suit jacket. My, they must have raised a fortune during the whole evening. The DSALA must be blessing the day they met the guy - just reward for their work.

And then… HIS TIME! Robert introduced Louie, and from that point onwards we’re a bit short of photos, not that he doesn’t look good, he does, but hey, it’s not easy to dance with a camera, I’ll have to go on the scrounge again. Like many Europeans I’d only heard the site’s sound files before going, and while they were promising, I must tell anybody thinking of going that the real thing is quite something else and definitely worth the trip. I was truly impressed by how, well, plain good the music was, the singing, and even more by the very friendly/family party atmosphere he creates somehow. A true professional artist who drew everybody who wasn’t there yet onto the dance floor, fans and guests and kids alike. It was a great time, and he's fun too, in a very different style from Robert. He encouraged young-er brother to come back up on stage and do some more singing for us, which he did, yeah! Muy popular move. Oh, can we have a little more Spanish next time? Just a little... And finally, the last song was announced... and another... and we crawled back to our tables for a last chat. Louie reappeared to sign some of his CDs, some of the profit on the sales going to the DSALA, and Robert hanged around thanking and good-bye-ing everybody and vice-versa. We gave him his 74593th hug of the evening and we turbo-lifted it back to our room and fell fast asleep. Thanks all for the work and the fun and the company.

GALAXY BALL 2000

RAB! Website